Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
