I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Randomize
