i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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