All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize