Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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