no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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