Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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