my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
