Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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