I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
