GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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