Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
