sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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