Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
