I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She bit a glass in half.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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