I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
