1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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