sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
