Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
