I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
