The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
