you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you will always have a special place in my vag
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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