can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
