why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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