Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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