oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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