at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
