oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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