the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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