I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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