I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
bring money and cleavage
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
