Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
