so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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