I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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