I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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