Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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