i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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