Dual....:-)
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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