You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The air was thick with penises
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
