Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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