Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
