Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
