hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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