idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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