that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
