Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
