His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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