Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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