My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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