if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
