You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
