I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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