so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
