Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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