what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
