I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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