Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
