Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
